Bob's Written Word
Joan Baez in Concert, Part 2 (liner notes) In my youngest years I used t' kneel By my aunt's house on a railroad field An' yank the grass outa the ground An' rip savagely at its roots An' pass the hours countin' strands An' stains a green grew on my hands As I waited till I heard the sound A the iron ore cars rollin' down The tracks'd hum an' I'd bite my lip An' hold my grip as the whistle whined Crouchin' low as the engine growled I'd shyly wave t' the throttle man An' count the cars as they rolled past But when the echo faded in the day An' I understood the train was gone It's then that my eyes'd turn Back t' my hands with stains a green That lined my palms like blood that tells I'd taken an' not given in return But glancin' back t' the empty patch Where the ground was turned upside down An' the roots lay dead beside the tree I'd say "how can this bother me" Or "I'm sure the grass don' give a damn Anyway it'll grow again an' What's a patch a grass anyhow" An' I'd wipe my hand t' wash the stain An' fling a rock across the track With the echo a the railroad train Hangin' heavy like a thunder cloud In the dawn a t'morrow's rain An' I asked myself t' be my friend An' I walked my road like a frightened fox An' I sung my song like a demon child With a kick an' a curse From inside my mother's womb -- In later years although still young My head swung heavy with windin' curves An' a mixed-up path revolved an' stung Within the boundaries a my youth 'Til at last I backed so far away From the world's walls an' friendless games That I did not have a word t' say T' anyone who'd meet my eyes An' I locked myself an' lost the key An let the symbols take their shape An' form a foe for me t' fight T' lash my tongue an' rebel against An' spit at strong with vomit words But I learned t' choose my idols well T' be my voice an' tell my tale An' help me fight my phantom brawl An' my first idol was Hank Williams For he sang about the railroad lines An' the iron bars an' rattlin' wheels Left no doubt that they were real An' my first symbol was the word "beautiful" For the railroad lines were not beautiful They were smoky black an' gutter-colored An' filled with stink an' soot an' dust An' I'd judge beauty with these rules An' accept it only 'f it was ugly An' 'f I could touch it with my hand For it's only then I'd understand An' say "yeah this's real" An' I walked my road an' sung my song Like a saddened clown In the circus a my own world -- In later times my idols fell For I learned that they were only men An' had reasons for their deeds 'F which weren't mine not at all An' no more on them could I depend But what I learned from each forgotten god Was that the battlefield was mine alone An' only I could cast me stone An' the symbols which by now had grown Outa shape but strong in sight Were seen by me in a sharper light An' the symbol "beauty" still struck my guts But now with more a shameful sound An' I rebelled twice as hard an' ten times as proud An' I walked my road an' sung my song Like an arch criminal who'd done no wrong An' committed no crime but was screamin' through the bars A someone else's prison -- Later yet in New York town On my own terms I said with age "The only beauty's in the cracks an' curbs Clothed in robes a dust an' grime" An' I searched for it in every hole An' jumped head-on t' meet its breast An' whispered tunes into its ear An' kissed its mouth an' held its waist An' in its body swum around An' on its belly passed out cold An' like a blind lover bold in flight I shouted from inside my wounds "The voice t' speak for me an' mine Is the hard filthy gutter sound For it's only this that I can touch An' the only beauty I can feel" An' I dove back in by my own choice T' feed my skin a hungry holes An' rejected every other voice An' I walked my road an' sung my song Like a lonesome king Standin' in the fury a the queen's garden Starin' into A shallow grave -- Time traveled an' faces passed An' many times thoughts t' me were taught By names an' heads too many t' count That touched my path an' soon were gone But some stayed on t' remain as friends An' though each is first an' none is best It is at this time I speak 'f one Who proved t' me that boys still grow A girl I met on common ground Who like me strummed lonesome tunes With a "lovely voice" so I first heard "A thing a beauty" people said "Wondrous sounds" writers wrote "I hate that kind a sound" said I "The only beauty's ugly, man The crackin' shakin' breakin' sounds're The only beauty I understand" So between our tongues there was a bar An' though we talked a the world's fears An' at the same jokes loudly laughed An' held our eyes at the same aim When I saw she was set t' sing A fence a deafness with a bullet's speed Sprang up like a protectin' glass Outside the linin' a my ears An' I talked loud inside my head As a double shield against the sounds "Ain't no voice but an ugly voice A the rest I don' give a damn 'F I can't feel it with my hand Then don' wish me t' understand But I'll wait though 'til yer song is done 'Cause there's something about yuh But I don' know what" An' I walked my road an' sung my song Like a scared poet Walkin' on the shore Kickin' driftwood with my shadow Afraid a the sea -- In a crusin' car I heard her tell About the childhood hours she spent As a little girl in an Arab land An' she told me 'f the dogs she saw Slaughtered wholly on the street An' I learned 'f how the people'd laugh As they beat the gentle dogs t' death Through a child's eyes who tried an' failed T' hide one dog inside her house An' I turned my head without a word An' coldly stared out t' the road An' with the wind hittin' half my face My memory creeped as they highway rolled Back if not but for a flash T' the empty patch a grass that died About the same time a dog was hid An' that guilty feelin' sprang again Not over the roots I'd pulled But over she who saw the dogs get killed An' I said it softly underneath my breath "Yuh oughta listen t' her voice ... Maybe somethin's in the sound ... Ah but what could she care anyway Kill them thoughts -- they ain't no good Only ugly's understood." An' I stuck my head out in the wind An' let the breeze blow the words Outa my breath as a truck roared by An' almost blew us off the road An' at the time I had no song t' sing -- In Woodstock at a painter's house With friends scattered 'round the room An' she talkin' from a chair An' me crosslegged on the rug I lit a cigarette an' laughed An' gulped light red wine an' lost Every shakin' vein that dwelled Within the roots a my dancin' heart An' the room it whirled an' twirled an' sailed Without one fence standin' guard When all at once the silent air Split open from her soundin' voice Without no warnin' from her lips An' by instinct my blood reversed An' I shook an' started reachin' for That wall that was supposed t' fall But my restin' nerves weren't restless now An' this time they wouldn't jump "Let her voice ring out," they cried "We're too tired t' stop 'er sing" Which shattered all the rules I owned An' left me puzzled without no choice 'Cept t' listen t' her voice An' when I leaned upon my elbows bare That limply held my body up I felt my face freeze t' the bone An' my mouth like ice or solid stone Could not've moved 'f called upon An' the time like velvet floated by Until with hunger pains it cried "Don' stop singing ... sing again" An' like others who have taught me well Not about themselves but me She laughed out loud as 'f t' know That the bars between us busted down An' I laughed almost an insane laugh An' aimed it at the ceiling walls When I realized the command I called An' my elbows folded under me An' my head lay back upon the floor An' my shaky nerves went floatin' free But I memorized the words t' write For another time in t'morrow's dawn An' held close unchallenged dreams As I passed out somewheres in the night -- I did not begin t' touch 'Til I finally felt what wasn't there Oh how feebly foolish small an' sad 'F me t' think that beauty was Only ugliness an' muck When it's really jus' a magic wand That waves an' teases at my mind An' knows that only it can feel An' knows that I ain't got a chance An' fools me into thinking things Like it's my hands that understand Ha ha how it must laugh At crippled ones like me who try T' pick apart the sounds a streams An' pluck apart the rage 'f waves Ah but yuh won't fool me any more For the breeze I heard in a young girl's breath Proved true as sex an' womanhood An' deep as the lowest depths a death An' as strong as the weakest winds that blow An' as long as fate an' fatherhood An' like gypsy drums An' Chinese gongs An' cathedral bells An' tones 'f chimes It jus' held hymns 'f mystery An' mystery's all too involved It can't be understood or solved By hands an' feet an' fingertips An' it shouldn't be called by a shameful name By those who look for answers plain In every book 'cept themselves Go ahead lightnin' laugh at me Flash yer teeth Slap yer knee It's yer joke I agree I'm even pointin' at myself But it's a shame it's taken so much time So, once more it's winter again An' that means I'll wait 'til spring T' ramble back t' where I kneeled When I first heard the ore train sing An' pulled the ground up by its roots But this time I won't use my strength T' pass the time yankin' grass While I'm waitin' for the train t' sound No next time'll be a different day For the train might be there when I come An' I might wait hours for the cars t' pass An' then as the echo fades I'll bend down an' count the strands a grass But one thing that's bound t' be Is that instead a pullin' at the earth I'll jus' pet it as a friend An' when that train engine comes near I'll nod my head t' the big brass wheels An' say "howdy" t' the engineer An' yell that Joanie says hello An' watch the train man scratch his head An' wonder what I meant by that An' I'll stand up an' remember when A rock was flung by a devil child An' I'll walk my road somewhere between The unseen green an' the jet-black train An' I'll sing my song like a rebel wild For it's that I am an' can't deny But at least I'll know not t' hurt Not t' push Not t' ache An' God knows ... not t' try --
Bob's Written Word